Years Gone By
by EternalConfusion
Summary: Seth leaves Summer, one summer after they return from uni, but he has no clue what he's leaving behing. He told her he'd be back, so she'll wait for him, if it kills her. Her and her secret.


Disclaimer: I do not own The OC, nope…that belongs to my good man Josh Schwartz! Nor do I own 'Dove Grey Sands', nope...that my friends belongs to Feeder. Great song, go listen, its beautiful. :)

_A/N: Look, I know this has been done to death…but, just give me a chance…I want to try, and try as I might, this is the storyline that my brain thinks I may be able to write, so I'm gonna try. And just so you know, I write for me, and if you like it then I love you guys, if not, I really don't care… I just hope you like it anyway. _

_

* * *

**Seein' life begin  
Hear the oceans sing  
It takes you back  
Pulls you back  
Brings you home **_

See your face in stone  
A hollow moon above an aching sky  
Silent night  
Brings you home

* * *

Summer stood on the beach, shoes by her side, toes wriggling in the soft sand. Staring out into the great blue depths of nothing, silent tears rolled down her face. It was dark, and late…very late. How late, she didn't know. She'd lost track of time, lost track of everything. All she knew was that her hate was breaking, she was being torn apart…she was hurting and aching like hell. She didn't like it.

She also didn't know how to stop it, or how to lessen the pain, if it would ever lessen. She knew she had to be strong, she needed to be. She was certain of only 3 things. What he'd left her with, the fact she needed to be strong. She was also certain that it was his fault that she was like this. It was his fault for breaking down her wall, before him she was strong, she may not have been true to herself but at least she'd been strong. But then he brought out the REAL Summer, the old Summer. She loved him for that, but she hated him for weakening her.

_**

* * *

Left without a place  
Lonely inner space  
That you can breathe  
It's the essence of a love  
My love**_

He left, after another one of those dreaded Newport parties, what it was for, she'd long forgotten. It had only been two weeks. But right now, she missed him more than ever. Needed him more than ever. Why did he have to leave? Why leave and leave her behind, like this. Now she was cold, lonely and empty. He'd left her feeling numb, she was now just a shell of her former self, it was love. Love was slowly killing her. Love for him! Of all people, her love for him was killing her, slowly._**

* * *

Lead by devotion  
Celebrate, celebrate  
Celebration  
Dove grey sands**_

Lead by devotion  
Celebrate, celebrate  
Celebrate now  
Dove grey sands

* * *

Summer slid to her feet, one hand rested on her stomach, as she drew her knees to her chest. She briefly looked up at the cloudy, inky blue sky; if she stared hard enough she could almost see his face in the clouds, but that was ridiculous, wasn't it? Staring at the sand, one hand skimmed over the top of it, then filling it with sand raised it, and turning her hand, watched the sound slip away from her. Just like her life, just like Seth. She could see her life slipping away from her, and she'd watched Seth's retreating back, she couldn't stop him. Not when her heart was breaking, and she was kneeling on the ground, wet from the rain, the rain and her tears; where one stopped and the other began she hadn't known. She still didn't. She didn't care either, all that mattered was that he was leaving and nothing she could do would stop him.

If only everything was different, if only he hadn't left, then they'd be celebrating. Yeah…celebrating. Shame. She really should be celebrating, maybe…in eight months she would. Or, maybe…if she just forgot about it, didn't think, maybe it wouldn't be true. But that memory would always be with her.

She thought it was from being lovesick, from those sleepless nights, or the times she cried herself to sleep whilst watching 'The Valley'. But no, she had to have that niggling voice at the back of her mind, telling her it was something else. The doctor's phone call earlier that afternoon confirmed it. There was no denying it now, try as she might.

_  
**

* * *

Narrow days alone  
Pushing for the sun  
Don't hide away  
Burn to grey  
One soul**_

Facing life alone  
Numbers on a phone  
To help you back  
Send it back  
Bring you home

* * *

She sighed heavily, watching the moon's light reflecting of the ocean. At some point she must have stopped crying, she didn't know when. Maybe she'd cried herself dry. Inside, she felt completely empty. There was nothing left now. She faced an uncertain future, alone. He told her he'd return, but when. Today, next month, new year, 10 years? Neither of them knew. And that uncertainty alone was enough to kill any happiness she had left.

She'd become another statistic. Another un-married, single mum. And she was so young! Summer sighed again, as the wind picked up speed, and blew her long dark hair around.

'Why Seth, why?' Was all she thought, over and over, and over again. **_

* * *

Left without a place  
Lonely inner space  
That you can breathe  
It's the essence of a love  
My love_**

It would never be the same again. She would never be the same again. She could never be truly happy, not without him. And where was he now? The middle of god damn nowhere, that's where. She was too scared to try his cell phone, but surely he wouldn't want her calling, not after he left her like that. No, she truly was all alone. And it was all because of their love, one night of passion. And now she was living, thinking and breathing for two. Totally unfair. But there was never any choice in the matter. She'd thought of abortion, but she'd never be able to forgive herself; she wasn't a murderer. And after all, that thing…that…that…baby, her baby had never done anything wrong. No, it was it's stupid damn ass of a father.

Summer let out a small scream. "ARGHHHHHHHH! I hate you Cohen."

_**

* * *

Lead by devotion  
Celebrate, celebrate  
Celebration  
Dove grey sands**_

Lead by devotion  
Celebrate, celebrate  
Celebrate now  
Dove grey sands

Feelin' like it's over  
It's just the start  
I can't hear you again  
Dreaming of the ocean  
As waves come in  
I can't hear it again

* * *

It was much easier to pretend that she hated him, and that was why it was over than admitting the truth.

She still loved him.

Always had, always will. Nothing, and I mean nothing could ever change that.

Truthfully, she loved Seth, and hated herself for allowing herself to EVER let that boy in. If she hadn't let him get close to her, she wouldn't be like this. She wouldn't be in this mess.

She had to face it, it was over.

Over.

Over.

Over.

She didn't want to believe it, she couldn't. The fear of being alone choked her, made it hard to breathe. She gasped for breathe, it couldn't be over could it?

No, it would never be truly over, for she would always carry a piece of him with her.**_

* * *

Dove grey sands_**

_**Dove grey sands**_

_**Dove grey sands

* * *

**_

One, lonely tear made its way down Summer's left cheek as she stood up. She took one final, longing look at the deep blue water.

"Good bye Cohen." She whispered.

With that she turned around. "No more tears, no more tears. Not over that…that boy. No more tears to cry." She said to herself as she walked towards her car.

She couldn't afford to break down because of him anymore. She could miss him like hell, but it wouldn't change a thing. She knew that, and she needed to get over him, carry on as normal.

That's what she had to do, and no-one said it would be easy. But, no-one told her quite how hard life without Cohen would be either.

No-one told her how hard it would be.

* * *

A/N: So...review? Please:) Pretty pretty please with a cherry on the top. 


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